Deborah Macken Wood - A Certified Master Grief Counsellor, Master Mindful Awareness Life Coach, Master Stress & Anxiety Counsellor, Trauma Release Therapist, P.I. Master Mind Coach. Here is what Deborah has to say from her own experience of loss and now supporting so many globally with exceptional transformations...
I lost my beloved husband May 2011 he was only 34 years old. It was certainly was not what you would ever want or expect so early into your life to lose the one you love... no age or time is good... it was tragic. It happened and it was totally out of my hands fully. I searched every widow site for support and went to grief support many times but nothing was taking away that deep crippling pain, sadness and emptiness. Yes, it was good to talk it helps of course and knowing you are not the only one going through such sadness and pain. I certainly wasn't alone in this but I still felt so lonely and in so much pain even around my friends and family and they had given me so much love and support in the process. I just felt completely overwhelmed like I was just drowning and existing in this loss.
How can I ever come back from this and yet I just wanted to move forward and be happy in some other way... away from such sadness but it just wasn't happening. In my head I knew that this was a process and I hated it so much but in my heart, I felt only love and wanted him back. It isn't something we experience everyday THANKFULLY... it is very surreal and painful when loss happens any loss is. But what about this pain and emptiness we have to consume... how long do we have to keep feeling like this was the question. This was always the question because it's just not good and there has to be a way a way in which I can accept it fully and no longer feel crippled with the loss and pain and live my life again. I don't want to exist in this sadness as I know my late husband would not want to watch down on me and for me to be like this.
So, a year after the death I went away to India. One of the things my late husband and I spoke about was death and what we would want if either of us died before the other. Yes it isn't something that we as humans want to discuss because we don't want to even see or feel such loss whilst we are alive, but it is fact... it will come at some point to all of us. So for me when I look back it was a good thing to talk about these things especially when the funeral arrangements had to be done. One of my late husband’s wishes was some of his ashes to be taken to the Holy River Ganga in India. Now whilst he was not Indian he felt a deep connection there for many reasons and wanted this. So of course, how could I not go and do this. Yes, it was a long way to go and I had already developed anxiety, fear and panic after his loss so this was a push for me to travel. Yes, I needed time out for sure and I am carrying out my late husband’s wishes so how can I not. What I didn't know when I got to India months later...what was going to be ahead of me... was an open door shown to me for my future with exceptional life transformations within myself and for so many more. Let's just say when you are open for change away from such sadness and every lower emotion possible...change can certainly happen.